History of Thanksgiving

A little known fact in the history of Thanksgiving is that John Wayne narrated the event saying things like, “Well Pilgrim, I see your still protecting the ladies” and “Hey, Pilgrim, hand me those mashed potatoes won’t you?”

As a narrator, John Wayne had a James Earl Jones quality about him, only different.

Thanksgiving history states that the first gathering among the pilgrims (Fred and Ethel Pilgrim, that is) and the Winnebago Indians, took place in 1621, as previously stated, and was regarded as a harvest festival event though there were few hippies and Jesus Freaks and rock bands at the time.

Following a harsh winter in 1620, followed by a drought, prayers for rain, and a rain that came down like cats and dogs, the autumn harvest festival featured fine foods such as turkey, giblets, gravy, mashed potatoes, lettuce, turnip & peas. Pheasants and swans were also offered and ironically, no one wanted the turkey wishbone at that time, but the kids all fought over the swan’s neck.
Thanksgiving history, according to scholars, was an autumn harvest festival and was a time of overeating, dancing, drinking and merriment, which was strictly forbidden by the pilgrims’ puritanical religion at the time and doomed all of the participants to an eternal life in hell or a life of wearing those ridiculous costumes with buckles on their shoes, whichever, they individually deemed harsher. The history of Thanksgiving states that pilgrims and Indians played games such as rugby, Native American soccer, badminton and Jarts.

Some older accounts of Thanksgiving history state that Pocahontas joined Captain Myles Standoffish for the first Thanksgiving celebration, but revisionist history states this isn’t so as Pocahontas actually died just a few short years before the first celebration.

According to new data in regards to the history of Thanksgiving, it is now known that the body of Pocahontas was dug up for the celebration and propped up at the end of the table. She was regarded as the wise old aunt who barely spoke a word and probably had a buzz on as she was smiling the whole time.

Again in 1621, Governor William Bradford declared Thanksgiving Day as a national holiday, but since the Revolutionary War had yet to take place, no one knew what this meant.

In wasn’t until George Washington was President in 1789, that he had the power, after the Revolutionary War to declare Thanksgiving as a national holiday.

After doing so, George promptly bit into a huge turkey leg and split in two his fine wooden teeth.

So, there you have the history of Thanksgiving, albeit one that is factually incorrect, full of misinformation, misdirection, miscellany and downright lies. You were actually expecting the truth?